Dating a guy whose best friend is a woman – Can you really believe them when they say they are ‘just friends’? When I was younger, I had several close male friends. As the years passed, that shifted as I realized either they were hoping to sleep with me by playing the friendship card, or as soon as they were in a committed relationship, it felt like “Neelou who?”
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In my mid-twenties, I stopped keeping the company of male friends (unless they were gay)… with the exception of Gil, my best guy friend. Other than Gil, I firmly believe that there can be no true, lasting friendship between members of the opposite sex. Not a close friendship, at least.
If you peel back enough layers between two friends of the opposite sex who spend a lot of time keeping one another’s company, one always has feelings for the other.
And then, my hypothesis was proven, without a doubt.
Once upon a time I had a boyfriend who was cute, lots and lots of fun, said the right things, did the right things (for about five minutes), and I decided to fill in the rest of him before I even got a chance to really know him. After being together for some time, and living together for a few months, I awoke from my fantasy and realized he wasn’t who I thought he was.
Eric had a female “best friend” named Angie*. She had her body wash in his shower, her crap under his sink, was best friends with his sister (who didn’t like me much though she never bothered to get to know me). Angie hated me for no apparent reason. She and Eric would text incessantly, have sleepovers, study together, chill together and spend every waking minute together, but only when I wasn’t around.
Although it may seem like I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, my only rebuttal is that hindsight is 20/20. And my perception was skewed because of Gil. He’s the almond-butter-to-my-jelly-on-Ezekiel-bread and we’ve been friends for so many years. I ADORE him. He’s honestly like my brother.
Gil and I have traveled together, slept in the same bed together, been raging drunk together (with no one else around). We’ve even taken walks in the rain, but we’ve never, EVER engaged in any inappropriate behavior indicating any kind of romantic inclination. Gil proudly tells people he’s repulsed by me. I am, too. It’s quite functional.
Many of Gil’s girlfriends have been suspicious of me. They have questioned him, and fought with him, and been jealous. It’s draining and annoying and so not attractive. So I decided to be different: to trust Eric, believing his relationship with Angie must have been like my relationship with Gil. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well — they just got engaged last month.
I’m surprisingly not flustered about it. I expected this to happen, and to be honest, they make a pretty solid couple. The only negativity that lingers has to do with my own behavior during our relationship and right afterward. I’m happy stupidity is so painful because I’ll never repeat that mistake again.
My memory is a bit blurry surrounding a lot of what went down, but one incident shines bright like an ugly neon sign in the middle of the desert. It was late October/early November. Eric and I were a couple months into arguing about him and Angie’s boundary-less friendship and he was in a panic because he’d forgotten her birthday was in a couple of days. He and I were living in NYC and she was in LA, so there was essentially no way he could have gotten a package to her in time, even if he’d overnighted it.
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