Sleeping with your man – It’s an extremely dangerous habit that RUINS marriages. “Most women are socialized to be led sexually, to be chased and to follow the desires of their partners rather than to tap into their own wants and express them.” — Amy Jo Goddard, Woman on Fire
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Men are physiologically different from women and their sexual needs tend to be more immediate, more frequent, and less nuanced. Women’s arousal takes longer, leading marriage counselors like myself to advise heterosexual male clients to begin foreplay with their ladies far in advance with pre-planned date nights, caresses, and small, thoughtful gestures — priming the pump, so to speak.
Women are often encouraged to “do it even when you don’t feel like it,” not as a form of ignorant submission but as an act of enlightened self-interest. As Nike beseeches (the corporation, not the Greek Goddess): Just Do It — you’ll get into it later.
Besides, you have a great guy. He’s generous, tolerant of your eccentricities, your occasional panic attics, and your weird family. He listens and cries and changes diapers and even threw away his favorite pair of hideous stonewashed jeans all for you.
Don’t you owe it to him to honor his urges and help him through his periods of blue-balled irritability? How hard is it to spread your legs a little wider even when you’re not in the exactly right mood? Just re-frame his grunts as opportunities for self-transcendence until he reaches the final crescendo and — whew! — finally, it’s done. If that doesn’t work, try closing your eyes and practicing those helpful beach visualizations.
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